I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
