drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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