oh god the rape fog is back!
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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