Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
