dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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