Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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