Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
