i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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