idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
