Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
that's an acceptable place to lick
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you win again, gameday.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
