We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
