See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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