i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
