dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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