oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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