my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
