I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
