I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Let's paint friendship bongs
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
