Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
