Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
