please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
