you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
