I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
