Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
