considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
