dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
