My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
there was a trapeze. enough said
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
