I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
