My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
