i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
