All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
