The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
