watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
