why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Randomize
