Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
