Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
