i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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