; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
