i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
