The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
