took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
