Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
