so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
