I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
