Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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