U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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