is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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