I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
