dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
