this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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